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Funny Facebook statuses

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A young executive was leaving his office at 6pm when he saw his CEO in front of the shredding machine. Can you make this thing work? Certainly said the young executive. He turned the machine on inserted the paper and pressed the start button. Excellent,excellent said the CEO as the paper disappeared inside the machine. I just need one copy.
Status By: anonymous
I think the discovery channel should be on a different channel every day.
Status By: anonymous
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
Status By: anonymous
I would like to post ads on Craigslist. "IPhone 5s for $20!" Along with the number of people who annoy me...
Status By: anonymous
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
Status By: anonymous
teacher: "where`s your homework?"
me: where`s leonardo`s oscar?
Status By: anonymous
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Status By: anonymous
That lion king moment, when you hold your phone in the air to get a better reception.. :D
Status By: Ali
You think you have relationship issues? Try separating me from my bed in the morning.
Status By: anonymous
If you can`t handle me at my Amanda Bynes, you don`t deserve me at my Beyonce.
Status By: anonymous
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