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Funny Facebook statuses

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That Moment when your 6-yr old pretends she`s all grown up and takes charge of setting the table
Status By: anonymous
#thatmoment when you`re walking in the middle of walmart & private parts begin to itch. Why then? Why not in the car?
Status By: anonymous
Hate when i loose something and my parents says "well i guess u didnt care about it enough" like you`ve lost me in a grocery store before so
Status By: anonymous
Can`t trust a bitch who lets the microwave hit 0, she doesn`t care about her life...she probably jumps on the lava part of the floor too.
Status By: anonymous
My neighbor obviously doesn`t watch porn. She asked me to come fix her sink, I been here for an hour and i`m still fixing the damn sink.
Status By: anonymous
House phone: *rings*

Me: nah
Status By: anonymous
"I wasn`t that drunk!" Dude you walked up to a truck and whisper "I know your secret..... Optimus Prime"
Status By: anonymous
Twenty years ago, we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash, and no hope. Please, don`t let Kevin Bacon die.
Status By: anonymous
I`m a huge fan of 50 Cent or as he`s known in Zimbabwe.. Four hundred million dollars
Status By: anonymous
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
Status By: anonymous
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