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Funny Facebook statuses

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That "Aww damn" moment when your mom is almost home and you look around and haven`t done anything she told you to do.
Status By: anonymous
Admit it, at least once in our life we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off position. ;P
Status By: anonymous
I`m not fat. I`m just so sexy that it overflows. ;)
Status By: anonymous
Jesus can walk on water, humans are 75% water & I can walk on humans. Therefore, I`m 75% Jesus. ;D
Status By: anonymous
If I`m ever on a date & it`s bad...
I`m just gonna stand up and say,
"I`m an actor, they`re all actors, and you`re on MTV`s disaster date!"
& run out.
Status By: Lauren
When someone tells you to, "expect the unexpected", slap them in the face and ask them if they expected it.
Status By: anonymous
Son: Dad, this boy in school keeps calling me gay.. Dad: Are you stupid? Why don`t you just beat him up? Son: I can`t, he`s too cute..
Status By: anonymous
There`s a serial killer in our house! Normal people: "CALL THE POLICE, LETS GET OUT OF HERE!" - In movies: "Lets go find him"
Status By: anonymous
Throwing lamps at people that need to lighten up...
Status By: anonymous
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button, I look at everyone inside & say: "Are you ready to take this shit to a whole new level?"
Status By: anonymous


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